I never thought once to celebrate myself not even once—not after the birth of my children, not after nursing them through their young lives, not after the hundreds of times my arms extended to console others through loss or hard times. When my father passed away and a short six months later my father-in-law passed, I suppressed my grief to take care of two women, who like me, never stood on their own two feet. More than thirty years later, I am learning to grieve, now that I am the only woman that I need to take care of.
I rushed forward in a straight line, pushing onward never veering off the path of rules set by other people, against whom I have measured myself. I never took the time to decipher where I was going—I just went. It’s only been recently I know what is missing in my life and what I crave to have back. I want a sense of balance that begins in my core; an integration of life experiences and it’s what’s driving me to my future.
It occurred to me that I was always eager to applaud my children’s accomplishments—walking, climbing, swimming, running, reading and writing, and yet, I hardly noticed my own. Every decade I live offers new challenges and as I walk through the portal to the other side, I still strive to be me.
“The leap of faith is not so much a leap of thought as action. One must…dare to act wholeheartedly without absolute certainty.” ~William Sloane Coffin
I’ve taken that leap into uncertainty one too many times, the first monumental leap was when I said, “I do.” I was scared to death. Will this relationship really last till death do us part or will we tire of each other and move on separately in different directions.
Other times I leaped and fell flat on my face…starting one business then losing another. One will never know until they tried. I knew I didn’t want to reach old age and say, “what if.” Risks are attached to everything, even if you were afraid or never took that initial leap; they are they hiding around the corner.
I strive not to feel weak and inferior, and no longer want to keep up with the Jones’s who are keeping up with the Smith’s. I am grateful for the one person in my life that has stood by my side, and I thank God he did not veer off the path of loving me and keeping me safe. I am selfish that I want more independence, to make my way and not call for help. Having been taught compliance and dependence, I strive for autonomy and the resurgence of will.
I celebrate my women friends, each successful in their own ways. I no longer feel isolated in my own selfish thoughts, because these very dear women friends of mine have let me know that I am not swimming alone. A song comes to mind for those of you familiar with the Woodstock era, Joe Cocker, With a Little Help from My Friends—from an era of make love not war, to an era where women burned their bras, and finally to the time in our lives when we need to find our true selves. I raise my glass to each and every one of you beautiful women…Cheers!
Sing it LOUD! You know the tune…Peace ✌️
What would you do if I sang out of tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears, then I'll sing you a song
I will try not to sing out of key, yeahOh, baby I get by
(By with a little help from my friends)
All I need is my buddies
(Try with a little help from my friends)
I said, I'm gonna get high
(High with a little help from my friends)
Oh, yeahWhat do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
No, no
How do I feel at the end of the day?
(Are you sad 'cause you're on your own?)
I tell don't get sad no more(By with a little help from my friends)
Gonna get by with my friends
(Try high with a little help from my friends)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna try
(Try with a little help from my friends)
Keep on gettin' high, oh, Lord(Do you need anybody?)
I need someone to love
(Could it be anybody?)
All I need is someone
Knows just where I'm goin', yeah
Somebody who knows just what I'll show them, baby(By with a little help from my friends)
Said, I'm gonna make it with my friends, yeah, yeah
(Try with a little help with my friends)
Oh, oh, I'm gonna keep on tryin', yeah
(High with a little help from my friends)
I'm gonna keep on tryin' now, babe(Would you believe in a love at first sight?)
I'm certain it happens all the time, yeah
(What do you see when you turn off the light?)
I can't tell you, but it sure feels like mine(By with a little help from my friends)
Don't you know I'm gonna make it with my friends?
(Try with a little help with my friends)
I promised myself I'll get by
(High with a little help from my friends)
Said, I'm gonna try it with them too hard(Do you need anybody?)
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
(Could it be anybody?)
Oh, there's gotta be somebody
Going to be right, I know it
Somebody carefree, now
Oh, yeah, yeah(By with a little help from my friends)
Said, I'm gonna get by with my friends
(Try with a little help with my friends)
Oh, yes, I'm gonna keep tryin', now
(High with a little help from my friends)
Keep on tryin' with my friends
(By with a little help from my friends)Oh, you'll never gonna stop me anymore
(Try with a little help with my friends)
I'm gonna keep on tryin', yeah
(High with a little help from my friends)
I'm gettin' high, I wanna make time, Lord, no
Gonna get by with my friends, yeah
Oh, I'm gonna get on by
Yes, I'm gonna get on by
Wanna take 'em all along
I wanna take 'em all along with me, yeah, yeahSongwriters: Paul Mccartney, John Lennon.
We all need a cheerleader, especially as we get older. 😊
Yes, so easy to applaud everyone else's efforts, and to be everyone else's friend. We all need to get better at doing those things for ourselves! 🙌